I told you there were 39 pages of vintage ads!  So here’s a few more.

machShirt

Unfortunately when we called the modeling agency we called after hours and this was all they had left.  I like that their tagline is “we care how you look.”  It’s clear from this ad that perhaps they don’t care that much.

activeService

Active Service underwear – their underwear offers “unrivalled all weather protection.”  What the hell is going on in their pants that they need all weather protection?  Someone must have explosive diarrhea.

blatz

“I’m Hank “the Pin Man” Marino, and when I want to get hammered and throw my balls down the lanes, I drink Blatz.  Goes down smooth, comes up even smoother.”

wellertools“Timmy, go warm up the car.  Your father just soldered his fly to the garage door… it’s gonna be a long night.”

sugarDiet tip:  Packing in fat ass!

Diet tip:  Get hopped up on sugar and crash so hard that you sleep thru your meals.

gambler

This shirt isn’t so much of a gamble.  You pretty much know the moment you step outside wearing this shirt, you’re getting your ass kicked.  I don’t care if you are a bold and reckless riverboard gambler of long ago.  If you ain’t got the riverboat, prepare for a beat down.

RappersMan

“He pays a pretty small price for a lot of attention,” and “He’s sure not going to pay more for it than he has to” aka “the cheap bastard outfits by Celanese Fortrel.  And those two guys should be at opposite ends of where ever they are because it took me a couple of minutes to realize that it’s their outfits and not my computer.

meshUndies

I didn’t realize mesh was a fashion must have.  And is that guy in the middle wearing a thong?

HOM

I’d like to point out the ladies fur on the couch and the second drink on the floor.  Apparently his “lady friend” saw him in this outfit and ran like hell.

yfront

I’ve heard wearing a large print makes you look…well… you know… larger…

This guy has got to be a tranny.  Check out the red high heels on the floor.

gee

Gee that’s one ugly suit.

Gee my hair is huge!

Gee we look ridiculious.

Gee we paid way too much for this band promo photo.

hugeCollar

Things happen when you wear Elaganza.  Yeah, you get your ass kicked.

Check out the collar on that guy… you know what they say… The size of a man’s collar is directly proportionally to the size of his… wait, I’m sorry I was wrong on that one.  It’s the size of his shoes.  Seriously, I think he could fly from coast to coast on that collar.  And let’s take a look at those, oh so manly platform shoes.  I don’t think this man made it out of the photo shoot alive.

kingCollarI have got to get my hands on this Eleganza catalog.  That color is 12″ hig in the front, 7 1/2″ wide and 4 1/4″ high in the back!  He could probably house a tent city under there!  And apparently this bad boy will make syou stand out in splendor.  I don’t know if splendor would have been the word I would have chosen.

keepeasy

I wonder if she goes with Mr. One easy Piece.  I think she’s got some conduit under there to keep it all nice and neat.

princeAlbert

“Do you have Price Albert in a can?”

For the love of God!  Let him out!  You are heartless and unfeeling Bobby, just let the prince out of the can.  He can’t breathe in there!

geigerDo your private parts have that not so glowing look about them?  Do you ever wish that your ‘nads could glow to attract the dumbest of ladies?    Why turn the light on in the middle of the night when you have to get up to urinate when you can be your own night light.

fatmen

That’s right, fat ass, we’re talking about you.  Put down the cheetos and try on one of our super size tents.

nismizhap

It can be cleaned by boiling with injury to rubber.  Just make sure you remove the Mizpah Jock before boiling or you’ll have a mizhap of epic proportions on your hands… or crotch as the case may be.

OJHoliday

Has anyone seen the carving knife?  The last time I saw it, OJ had it and he was heading out the door…. (too soon?)

meatloaf2

I’m pretty sure I almost stepping in this on the way to work this morning.

ruptureIs that what the kids are calling it these days.  Little Billy is growing up.  I caught him “rupturing” last night.

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