You can not complain about your job.  At least, not until after you hear what I had to do today.  First, let me give you a little backstory.

A month or so ago, I noticed a black garbage bag under the window of the warehouse office.  It was tucked neatly into a corner, but completely within sight of everyone walking down the sidewalk.  It sat there for a couple of days because I just didn’t have time or really think it was my job to deal with this.  Then I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I knew if I didn’t deal with it, it would be there until the end of time. As I’m picking up the bad, I realize that whatever is in it, is heavy and liquidy.  Not to mention it stinks.  It stinks like sh*t.  Oh my God!  It’s an actual bag of human sh*t!  I somehow manage to get it to the garbage bin without too much gagging and without the bag exploding.  I then go upstairs and tell my bosses.  They give the standard “Oh my God!  That’s so disgusting!” comments.  But no, “Ok that’s not in your job description.  I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.  Thank you so much for doing that.”

That brings us to last Wednesday or Thursday.  I see another black garbage bag… in the same spot… and taking on the same shape as the other one. I check to see if my hunch is right.  And unfortunately for me, it was.  I am now resolved that I will not clean this one up.  My one boss did say, if it happens again, to let her know and her husband will take care of it.  So on Friday I left the bosses know that the black garbage bag of crap is back.  I got the standard, “Ewwww gross!” and the “WTF!?!”  But no one did anything.  My boss said she would tell her husband about it and he would take care of it.  Great!  I don’t have to deal with it!

I come back into work today after a sunny, warm (temperature all weekend in the high 60s/low 70s) weekend.  The black garbage bag is still there.  It sat there all weekend long in the sun and the heat, festering.  Trying to give my boss the benefit of the doubt, I leave it alone.  Maybe her husband will be here later.

Her husband shows up.  But not for the clean up on aisle 9.  He shows up for another reason.  I tell him what happened (he’s been in the loop on this problem since the first bag was dropped off).  His reaction is to tell me where and who he thinks is doing this.  But he doesn’t seem to want to take it away.  I decide I’m not going to deal with this.  I deal with enough figurative crap around this place, I’m not gonna start with the literal crap too.

Since it was another gorgeous day out, I decide to open the big bay door and get a nice breeze thru the place.  Probably not the best idea since everytime the breeze comes in, it brings with it the black garbage bag scent in with it.  After roughly 6 hours of this, I’m done.  If I don’t deal with it, it won’t get done.  Out of sight, out of mind for those ladies.  So it was with a massive amount of gagging that I was able to throw the bag out.  And this time, since it was out there all weekend long in the sun, it was leaking.   I want to take a second here to apologize to our garbage man.  I’m so sorry that you’ll have to deal with that during our next pick up.

After I stop gagging, I go upstairs and ask if there’s any bleach around as the bag was leaking and it still smells.  I’m hoping the bleach will kill whatever is left.  When the one boss says, “Oh my God!  Isn’t this like the third time?”  My response is, “No actually it’s the second time.  You asked me to tell you the next time it happens because you’re husband would deal with it.  I told you about it on Friday and you said he would deal with it.  I have a feeling you forgot to tell him about it. I’m going to grab some bleach to try and kill the smell that is taken over the warehouse.”  And no one seemed to care or be even remotely concerned about any of this.  So until you can top the having to throw out large black garbage bags of human crap (I’m not including you wacky healthcare workers as you opted to work with crazy human “processes.”  I chose to work in a warehouse – which I thought was several lightyears away from cleaning up poop.  Apparently I was wrong.) at your job, you got nothin’!