Don’t let her little innocent face fool you.  She’s got gas… bad gas.

Early this morning, around 4 am or so, I was asleep.  Dreaming happy dreams, when all of a sudden I woke up with such a foul pewtrid smell.  I thought there was something that was dead and rotting in the walls.  It was that foul. When I opened my eyes, I was eye to… well, butt with the problem.  My cat’s ass.  She was purring like she was the happiest kitty in all the world.  When all the while, her ass spoke of something different. There had to have been a battle of epic proportions going on in her bowels.   It was so bad, that even when I flipped the pillow over, the smell was still there.  I’m probably going to have to burn my sheets.  Even  my other cat wouldn’t come near the infected area.  I’m not quite sure what goes on in her system that makes whatever they both eat turn out so horribly wrong, but it was vicious.  I’m convinced she was a frat boy in a former life and that drinking and eating greasy nasty food is just in her system from a past life.  Not to mention the urge to fart in my face. I have a feeling that the reason she was purring was because she was actually laughing at farting in my face.  I might have to set up a web cam to see what the hell goes on when I’m not at home.  I’m thinking she might be eating out of the food waste container.  I’m not sure how she’s getting the top off as it’s ceramic and she doesn’t have thumbs.  Maybe she’s been partying with the Shamwow guy.  If she starts slap chopping me or tells me that I’m going to love her nuts, I’m going to need to have an intervention.   When I came home this evening I was expecting to see a green fog sitting over the house.  But so far, so good.  Maybe she just waits until undercover of darkness to “drop a bomb.”

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